Most of the elements so far in the sabbatical have been focused on reconnecting--reconnecting with my wife, my kids, my family of origin. The last two elements planned are sort of "reentry" events. They are planned with the idea of helping to return to church life and seek to maximize the ministry that God has given to us.
A fundamental principle of ministry is that: you lead out of who you are. That means that you cannot separate the ministry a person does from who he is. Unhealthy people cannot produce long-term healthy ministry. It takes a healthy person to be able to do ministry in a way that is healthy. And so these events are designed to make sure that I am moving towards personal, mental, spiritual, and emotional health.
The first event is called a "Counseling Intensive." I'd never heard of it before planning a sabbatical. But it basically is what it says--it is cramming 6 months of intensive counseling into a single week. Sounds great, right? :0) To be honest, I have been dreading it somewhat. But I know that it is an important part of the sabbatical and I believe that it will pay tremendous dividends in the months to come.
I didn't seek this out because I'm having a breakdown or anything. All in all, things are good. But I wanted to participate in this for a couple of reasons. One reason is that from time to time situations and emotions come up in ministry that are confusing. Sometimes I wake up angry and don't know why. Sometimes I'm a grouch when there is no discernable reason for it. I wish I could just go see a counselor at these times and talk through what I'm feeling, but the high cost of counseling prevents it. I usually will talk things through with a friend. But the grant has provided the unique experience of providing access to professional help. (If you've ever heard someone say about me, "That guy needs professional help!", I finally getting it!) I wanted to take advantage of the unique opportunity that these funds provide.
Another reason for planning this is to get perspective. Sometimes sharing your life with someone who is totally objective can provide insights that you'd never get otherwise. I've given the counselor the freedom to point out any blind spots that he sees in me that will limit my effectiveness in ministry. I'm hoping that he will help me identify any areas that might be detrimental to me or the people I love and lead.
And finally, I planned a counseling intensive because I believe God has called me to do ministry in a way that is sustainable. Lord willing, I'm about halfway through my working years. Sometimes you experience things that cause you to feel like you are becoming jaded or that your heart is shrinking. You wonder how long you can keep it up. As a pastor, you get a front-row seat to a lot of the hurt in the world. And so I'm seeking counsel about how to get to the end and still be a sweet spirited, godly, faithful husband, father, and servant of God. I'm opening myself up to someone to point out the ways that I'm living or doing ministry that cannot be sustained over the long haul.
So I have traveled to Denver, Colorado to meet with a ministry called Restoring the Soul. I meet every day for half a day with a counselor and then have follow up assignments between sessions. They call it a "tune up" when you're not in any crisis but are just seeking to make sure that you're on a good path in ministry. I was told that by the end of the week I will be exhausted, but I am the one who planned this event. I signed up for this. I don't want my own shortcomings to be impediments to the work that God wants to do in our church.
I'd covet your prayers during this time as it's very personal and challenging. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to get this perspective on my life and ministry. I hope that it will pay great kingdom dividends in the days to come.
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